Carey and the shilling

In 1804 WIlliam Carey wrote a letter about his early days. He refers to an incident when he was 14 or 15 that led ultimately to his conversion.

... A circumstance, which I always reflect on with a mixture of horror and gratitude, occurred about this time, which, though greatly to my dishonour, I must relate. It being customary in that part of the country for apprentices to collect christmas-boxes from the tradesmen with whom their masters have dealings, I was permitted to collect these little sums. When I applied to an ironmonger, he gave me the choice of a shilling [5p] or a sixpence [2.5p]: I of course chose the shilling, and, putting it into my pocket, went away. When I had got a few shillings, my next care was to purchase some little articles for myself; I have forgotten what. But then, to my sorrow, I found that my shilling was a brass one. I paid for the things which I bought by using a shilling of my master's. I now found that I had exceeded my stock by a few pence. I expected severe reproaches from my master, and therefore came to the resolution to declare strenuously that the bad money was his. I well remember the struggles of mind which I had on this occasion, and that I made this deliberate sin a matter of prayer to God as I passed over the fields home. I there promised, that if God would but get me clearly over this, or, in other words, help me through with the theft, I would certainly for the future leave off all evil practices; but this theft and consequent lying appeared to me so necessary, that they could not be dispensed with.

A gracious God did not get me safe through. My master sent the other apprentice to investigate the matter. The ironmonger acknowledged the giving me the shilling, and I was therefore exposed to shame, reproach, and inward remorse, which increased and preyed upon my mind for a considerable time. I at this time sought the Lord perhaps much more earnestly than ever, but with shame and fear. I was quite ashamed to go out; and never till I was assured that my conduct was not spread over the town did I attend a place of worship.

I trust that under these circumstances I was led to see much more of myself than I had ever done before, and to seek for mercy with greater earnestness. ....