An article appeared in The Times last Friday headlined “Nursery schools struggle with troubled and violent children”. Apparently, there were more than 45,000 suspensions of children aged 2-11 in England last year (up from 40,000 the year before). There were 4,000 suspensions of children aged 5 and under. Most cases involved violence or the threat of it.
This has prompted calls for teachers to be given greater powers of restraint over violent and disruptive pupils. What struck me was how at the end of the article it said that schools are seeing an increasing number of parents who have simply lost control of their children. Mick Brookes of the National Association of Headteachers is quoted as saying: “Some of these children seem never to have heard the word no. It’s down to poor parenting.”
I think that increasingly people are seeing that among the many other problems we have in this country (and making its own significant contribution to others) is poor parenting. Many responsible parents would agree. However, once you say such a thing, if you are a parent, you may feel a little but nervous. Those of us who have been parents for any length of time are conscious of many failures and inadequacies and are looking for help to improve.
I myself have been a parent for over 18 years and am the father of 5 boys. I guess that may be why I've been asked to come and speak to you tonight on being a good parent. I’m also a pastor down in London so I want us to look at this subject chiefly in terms of what the Bible says – I think that in the end that is where we are going to get the best help. So I want to say a number of things tonight and then we’ll open it up for questions and I’ll do my best to answer.
1. Remember whose child it is
This has prompted calls for teachers to be given greater powers of restraint over violent and disruptive pupils. What struck me was how at the end of the article it said that schools are seeing an increasing number of parents who have simply lost control of their children. Mick Brookes of the National Association of Headteachers is quoted as saying: “Some of these children seem never to have heard the word no. It’s down to poor parenting.”
I think that increasingly people are seeing that among the many other problems we have in this country (and making its own significant contribution to others) is poor parenting. Many responsible parents would agree. However, once you say such a thing, if you are a parent, you may feel a little but nervous. Those of us who have been parents for any length of time are conscious of many failures and inadequacies and are looking for help to improve.
I myself have been a parent for over 18 years and am the father of 5 boys. I guess that may be why I've been asked to come and speak to you tonight on being a good parent. I’m also a pastor down in London so I want us to look at this subject chiefly in terms of what the Bible says – I think that in the end that is where we are going to get the best help. So I want to say a number of things tonight and then we’ll open it up for questions and I’ll do my best to answer.
1. Remember whose child it is
We need to start with this fundamental matter. Whose child it is anyway? It may seem a straightforward question but you’d be surprised. It’s one of those questions that usually nobody gives much thought to until something goes wrong. You see, you may instinctively say the child belongs to the parents. But what happens if there is a divorce? Does the child belong to the mother or the father? Or what if the parents begin to abuse a child? Does the state have the right and duty to intervene at some point? And what about the church, does it have any responsibility or right as far as a child is concerned?
So whose child is it? The Bible is very clear about that. Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. All children are God's children – they belong to him. If we are parents, we are parents because God has made us parents – either in the normal way or by means of some other providence. You can’t simply decide to be a parent. It’s in God's hands. When we think of being parents then we need to remind ourselves of what we are. We don’t own our children, they aren’t projections of our own egos, they are not ours to do with as we wish. No, they belong to God and he has appointed us, for how ever long it may be, to take care of this child or may be more than one, before him.
Being a parent then is a tremendous privilege. I often think of what a privilege it is to be involved in the lives of my boys and to be bringing them up. It is fascinating to see. At the same time it is a tremendous responsibility. I’m their father. The influence I can and do have on them, good or bad, is possibly greater than that of any other person. What potential for good or for harm there is here. What a task – to be a parent! That’s the way to think about being a parent then. It’s the privilege and responsibility of bringing up someone who, like me, will one day stand before God to be judged.
2. Be clear about what your chief aim should be
So whose child is it? The Bible is very clear about that. Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. All children are God's children – they belong to him. If we are parents, we are parents because God has made us parents – either in the normal way or by means of some other providence. You can’t simply decide to be a parent. It’s in God's hands. When we think of being parents then we need to remind ourselves of what we are. We don’t own our children, they aren’t projections of our own egos, they are not ours to do with as we wish. No, they belong to God and he has appointed us, for how ever long it may be, to take care of this child or may be more than one, before him.
Being a parent then is a tremendous privilege. I often think of what a privilege it is to be involved in the lives of my boys and to be bringing them up. It is fascinating to see. At the same time it is a tremendous responsibility. I’m their father. The influence I can and do have on them, good or bad, is possibly greater than that of any other person. What potential for good or for harm there is here. What a task – to be a parent! That’s the way to think about being a parent then. It’s the privilege and responsibility of bringing up someone who, like me, will one day stand before God to be judged.
2. Be clear about what your chief aim should be
This leads us to our second point. If you are going to be a successful parent then you will need to be clear what you are aiming at. Now different parents have different aims. You sometimes hear the phrase “I want them to have what I never had” and that can be okay as long as it isn’t code for wanting them to fulfil your failed ambitions. Obviously we want our children to achieve their full potential and we are going to need to push them to some extent if they are to achieve anything. However, it is important from the beginning to think through what exactly you want for your child (for the child God has given you).
Oh yes, it would be wonderful to watch your son play soccer for Arsenal or Chelsea or rugby for England or whoever or who is a successful doctor, lawyer, architect or whatever. It would be great to have a daughter who plays the piano or violin like the best of them or who wins Wimbledon. Mind you, it would be enough for some just to have their kids alive and healthy and happily married and some lovely grandchildren to enjoy.
But in the end think about this, what really matters? This life will soon be over for you and for your children. What really matters is that they should know and serve the Lord. What good is it for anyone to gain the whole world yet lose his soul? Once we see this clearly it is bound to affect how we bring up our children. It will affect our attitude to what they do with their Sundays – to how they are educated. It will affect the whole atmosphere at home. What is my greatest ambition for my child? What an important question. Take care how you answer. It should surely be that they bring glory to God.
Oh yes, it would be wonderful to watch your son play soccer for Arsenal or Chelsea or rugby for England or whoever or who is a successful doctor, lawyer, architect or whatever. It would be great to have a daughter who plays the piano or violin like the best of them or who wins Wimbledon. Mind you, it would be enough for some just to have their kids alive and healthy and happily married and some lovely grandchildren to enjoy.
But in the end think about this, what really matters? This life will soon be over for you and for your children. What really matters is that they should know and serve the Lord. What good is it for anyone to gain the whole world yet lose his soul? Once we see this clearly it is bound to affect how we bring up our children. It will affect our attitude to what they do with their Sundays – to how they are educated. It will affect the whole atmosphere at home. What is my greatest ambition for my child? What an important question. Take care how you answer. It should surely be that they bring glory to God.
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