49.
I was more entangled and submissive where the pleasures of hearing
are concerned until you cut me loose and gave me back my freedom. Now
when I hear music vibrant with your Scripture, sung with skill in a
sweet voice, I yield to some degree, I must admit, but am not
hypnotised by it, since I can break off at any point. Nonetheless,
when the music carries a meaning that enters into me, it makes
something in my heart honour it, I know not how properly - do I prize
it higher than I should? When music is added to the sacred words, I
find that our souls are kindled to more ardent piety than when they
stand alone, as if each emotion of our spirit were being touched by
its own special tone or tune, intimately responsive to it by some
secret tie. A delicious physical sound should not melt our reason,
but should attend it as its subordinate partner - but once admitted
on these terms, it tends to skip ahead of reason and take the lead
from it. When this occurs, I go wrong without realising it, and only
recognise what has happened later on.
50.
Yet at other times, suspicious of being misled, I adopt too great a
caution, harshly willing to ban all melodic sweetening of David’s
words sung in the psalms, not only from my own hearing but from that
of the entire church - though I think it safer to follow a rule often
reported to me as being that of Athanasius, Alexandria’s bishop. He
had the cantor so flatten out the tune that he seemed rather to be
speaking the psalm than singing it. But in the last analysis, when I
recall the tears I shed at the church music when I first returned to
the faith, and how moved I am even now by the meaning of the music
rather than the music itself - so long as the words are sung in a
clear voice appropriately fitted to the tune - I see just how useful
music can be. So, though my mind hovers between pleasure’s danger
and the custom’s benefits, and I would not want to adhere blindly
to one view of the matter, I increasingly favour the practice of
singing in church, which can strengthen the wavering soul’s feeling
for religion. Yet I must testify for myself that when I am moved more
by the music than by its meaning, I feel this offence should be
punished, and wish I had not listened to the cantor. That is my
plight. Weep for it, all you whose concern for virtue issues in good
works - those without that concern will not care enough to weep for
me. But you, Lord my God, hear me, heed, look on with pity, and heal
me, before whom I am made a riddle to myself, which is the symptom of
my sins.
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